Decisions
Hey everyone! I hope all of you are doing well. I hope you all like this one.
Everyone has to make decisions every day of their life. Our decisions literally shape us. Our personalities and our life are moulded by our choices. If we are willing to listen, our choices talk to us and understanding them may just be the key to unlocking life's secrets.
I believe that decisions, good and bad, help us improve everything about our life. I think that screw-ups are superior to good life choices because one screw-up can lead to multiple amazing choices.
Usually, my screw-ups are pretty small. Like not sleeping the night before my end-semester exam and waking up 10 minutes before the exam started or getting so drunk that I start puking like a pregnant lady in an Indian serial on the road.
(I shall elaborate on these stories later)
Staying on the topic of alcohol. Screwing up has a striking resemblance to getting drunk, it's enjoyable at first but then, the headache it causes lessens your will to live. Then you promise never to do it again just to get sloshed two weeks later. Human beings eventually stop screwing up though, I hope to reach that phase soon.
I tend to make decent life choices but I haven't made too many great life-altering decisions.
If you were to ask me to list the biggest decisions of my life. Three decisions would pop into my head. These three moments were the end-of-season cliffhangers and the catalysts for the next season of my life.
The first one is when I confessed to my best friend that I had been in love with her for four years, I hadn't told a single soul on planet Earth that I was in love with her. I had kept this information within myself for so long that I could literally feel my heart get lighter when I told her. This one changed me for the better, I learnt to accept my emotions better. I learnt how to share my feelings with everyone and it made me the open book that I am today. That day, I realised how liberating saying what you feel is. So yeah character development, woo! It was her boyfriend's birthday when I told her, btw. The funny thing is he is one of my best friends.
Life can be extremely unfair. We make a hundred fantastic decisions and life progresses slowly, you accept that progress can be slow. Then, you screw up one time and everything goes to absolute hell. It's insane how much a single misstep can cost us.
That leads me to my second decision, perhaps the greatest screw-up of my life. After me and my ex-girlfriend broke up. I was not doing great. Well, the first time I talked to her after the breakup I did something I regret to this day. I said some very hurtful stuff. I didn't mean any of it but that was probably the worst way to say goodbye to someone who you loved so much. This was around the time COVID and the lockdowns hit us. So the rest of that year and the next was just me becoming a worse version of myself, I could feel myself degrading daily. I didn't talk to my friends properly. I felt more alone than I had ever felt. This one helped me understand how to keep my emotions in check and not let them simply overflow anytime I want. More importantly, it taught me that the other person's emotions are more important than some random burst of anger. Anyway, I have apologised to her and we are on good terms right now so I was able to right a few wrongs.
The butterfly effect, that's how I would define the next one.
The third one is starting this blog. This blog has been parallel to my growth. My life, which I thought was going nowhere finally got some sense of direction. Me doing this regularly has given me something to work towards. That feeling has started overflowing into other parts of my life. I know it may not seem important when we compare it to the first two but the chain reaction that this blog has caused in my life is just unbelievable. I can tell you one surefire way to improve your life: do something you love and do it regularly. Even if it is just for ten minutes a week. Your life will start making more sense almost immediately. This blog taught me that.
These lines define my philosophy about choice and fate: that the way to live life is to take the leap of faith. Otherwise, life is not worth living.
Love,
Pranav
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