Existential Dread

First things first, I am so sorry that I have been publishing absolutely nothing lately. I was feeling lost and couldn’t find inspiration. A WhatsApp forward from a friend changed that. 

I always find it so fascinating how the smallest events can trigger so much change in all of us. That's a topic for a different time. Anyway, here goes. 

Human beings have always been fragile. We don’t like to accept it. Humans like to think that they are above and beyond every other organism on this planet while slipping and falling in their own wet bathrooms can kill them. Humans have always known how easy it is for us to get wiped out, but the Ice Age failed to do it, plagues which wiped out a significant portion of the population couldn’t do it. When we realised that Nature couldn’t destroy us, we discovered ways to annihilate ourselves. Wars, weapons of mass destruction, biological warfare. So many paths were created that would have led to our extinction but somehow, we are still here. However, Homo Sapiens have only been around for 300,000 years. Seems like a lot but in the context of the world, is very very small. So the threat of extinction is definitely a possibility. 

It’s of no use thinking about these threats now. We live in an almost peaceful world; medicine is better than it has ever been and pandemics can’t even create a tiny dent in the human population. That’s what I thought. If we are being honest, that’s what most of the world thinks. But humanity is addicted to taking risks. It’s like letting a child play in a kitchen that has a gas cylinder. It just keeps finding new ways to blow shit up. 

Today, I was having a happy day when my friend sent me this news article talking about how a former AI research head of Google has come forward and is warning the world against the risks of developing AI models more advanced than GPT-4 and how Artificial General Intelligence, the long-term goal of companies like OpenAI, could mean the end of humanity. He is among the many people who believe that it is necessary to stop the development of AI because we have no idea how to control it or use it properly. ‘The risks of AI’ is a rather technical topic and I think it is best if you read about it on your own, I am not qualified enough to write anything about such a complex issue. I felt a bit of fear after reading the article as any man would but my soul was not crushed and still had a bit of optimism left. However, the next article I read destroyed my spirits completely, the article was like a five-minute read but here’s the gist: Stop AI research or we all perish. The writer again went on about the dangers of AGI systems. First, I started fearing that my four years of education were about to go to waste, I realised that no one was going to hire a mediocre software engineer anymore. It became worse, I started fearing for my life. Kudos to the writer, he certainly could make his readers feel strong emotions. Then, I started feeling something that almost every human goes through existential dread. Such an important issue, it is something that could change my life or in the worst case, take my life away. 

"I cannot do anything about it, nothing is in my control." The first thought I had after reading that article. 

Then I thought about how we would all die and there was nothing anyone could do to stop our march towards total extinction. Then I remembered that I have an exam tomorrow, and the subject is not 'existential crisis'. It didn’t help much.

So, I just stared at my slides, I didn’t read a single word. I couldn’t read a single word. I was too deep in thought about how all of us were doomed. But then, I had this perspective-shifting thought. We developed nuclear bombs, capable of destroying the entire world in a couple of days. But we aren’t dead yet. How did we survive that?

I thought about it for a while and remembered this story of a Russian commander refusing to fire a nuke and how it saved the world, you should read more on this, it is an amazing story. Somehow, despite being a spoilt child, humanity somehow keeps itself in check. Humanity’s ego and greed can destroy our whole world. So, what keeps humanity from committing a mistake that could end it?

Survival. We must realise that humans are weak, humanity isn't. 

Human beings always rate survival above other desires that they might have, most of the time. Even though some madmen do exist for whom their desire is worth more than their survival, most of us are wired to survive. So, it is no real surprise that despite most of the leaders of the world having fragile egos which can crack easily, humanity is still in one piece (mostly.) So, I trust humanity’s survival instincts to keep us alive and well for at least a few centuries. 

Of course, there’s a huge possibility that I might be wrong and humanity is doomed. But, should I spend so much time worrying about it? No. Sure, it is important to think about issues and ways to solve them. But, that shouldn't mean just being in a state of crisis all the time. That's the kind of shit that makes people go insane. All it does is not let you love this moment to its fullest. And the only way to be happy is to love the moment you live in.

It is impossible to not face dread at some point in our lives. But it is definitely possible to get over it and do something. I, for one, am glad that I faced existential dread because it helped me write after a long long time. 

This experience helped me realise that all I can do is focus on the present and look at what makes life beautiful.

If I had to summarise this long-ass blog post, I’d tell you to fuck fear and live in the moment.

From Dead Poets Society (1989), one of my favourite movies of all time.

Love,

Pranav.